Mysterious Pink Drops

Maker: ????

Location: China?

(Is that a picture of the Alps?)

TASTE

Mystery Candy #1 has a subtle yet tart fruit flavor. It has a bit of sugar dusting on the outside, making the outside sweeter than the inside. Possible flavors: Strawberry, lychee, or raspberry? Whatever it is, it’s delicious and addictive.

TEXTURE

These are simple, round pink hard candy drops with a light sugar dusting on the outside. Unfortunately this is the only one I had and I got a little excited and ate it before I took a picture of it.

SCORE

Sort of literally tastes like a Christmas wreath

Maker: Just Born, Inc.

Location: USA

TASTE

I always appreciate when the candymaker labels the flavors on the bag. Skittles, Mike & Ike, and Dum-Dums do a really good job of that. Other candies, like gummy bears, generic lollipops, and Haribo ANYTHING, always make you guess the flavors on your own. This bag has the flavors dutifully listed on the back:

1. Cherry (red) – Tastes exactly like cherry Tylenol.

2. “Holiday Punch” (dark green) – As far as I can tell, this punch is made out of sherbet and pine needles. I guess the front of the bag alludes to some berry flavor, but dark green ones have a definite piney flavor to them. Merry Christmas?

3. Lime (light green) – Lime candies are hit or miss, and this one is a miss. The taste is acidic and sort of reminds me of Simple Green.

TEXTURE

The waxy outer shell holds all the candy’s color and flavor, while the chewy cores of one serving hold about 60% of the recommended daily allowance of sugar. This is the type of candy you grab a handful at a time, because the chewy cores alone have almost no flavor. I recommend chewing several Mike & Ikes at a time for those of us without dental work. Otherwise, Mike & Ikes are denture hell.

I like Mike and Ike in general. They are probably my first pick as far as movie theater candies go, because they don’t melt and the color won’t stain your hands. But the Holiday Medley, despite being horribly addictive, was a miss for me. The cherry flavor tasted exactly like cough syrup (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing… I sort of like it), and the lime flavor also tasted like a chemistry experiment. The Holiday Punch was the worst of the trio, which ended up tasting like a fruity Christmas wreath.

SCORE

Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?

Generic orange-shaped candy in clear cellophane wrapper
Maker: Unknown, bought at Mast General Store in Knoxville, Tennessee

TASTE

Like generic orange flavoring. It’s neither good nor bad. It’s probably the most boring orange flavoring I’ve ever tasted.

TEXTURE

This is a hard candy shaped like a slice of orange or tangerine. I think it looks more like a tangerine, but I guess that doesn’t really matter. The candy has a bit of texture attempting to emulate the skin and seeds of the fruit but whittles down to a generic bean shape in your mouth.

IAN TEST

SCORE

Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy reading my adventures in the theoretical candy-land in which I live.

Ruthie

Maker: Tootsie Roll Industries
Location: USA

TASTE

Without biting into the mint center, the outside chocolate tastes mostly like wax (“confectioner’s glaze”). But one can’t deny this movie theater classic’s appeal: the fluffy mint center is just sweet enough to combat the bland outside layer, and the chocolate shell protects the delicious sweetness within.

TEXTURE

A thin, waxy chocolate shell incases a fluffy mint center, made creamy by means of gelatin and some other spooky-sounding ingredients. Though similar in taste to a peppermint patty, according to an episode of Seinfeld, the smaller format makes them prone to slipping out of one’s hand and lodging themselves in open splenectomies.

It sorta broke my heart when I found out that the production designers used a Peppermint Pattie instead of a Junior Mint in this scene. I guess great art requires some sacrifices. Oh well. They’re chocolate, they’re mint. They’re delicious! So who cares?

SCORE

Maoam chewy candies
Raspberry and strawberry

WRAPPER

I did a little research and found out that Haribo caught flak for their Maoam wrappers, in which a lima-bean-like creature sexually harasses various fruits. Personally, this is what attracted me to Maoam in the first place. Nothing turns me on like casanova lima beans. You know this is gonna it’s gonna be a good piece of candy when it has cartoon pornography on the front. Oh yeah.

TASTE

Raspberry -  A little tart but mostly sweet. Tastes like real raspberries but the flavor isn’t overwhelming like other raspberry candies. Addictive.
Strawberry – The flavor is a little more pronounced in the strawberry version, but it’s very tasty. I believe it’s got the perfect balance of sweet and tart, and a very nice strawberry flavor — tastes pretty similar to the real thing. One thing I appreciate about these candies is the lack of artificial coloring–I often find myself with certain flavor expectations when the candy is colored, and I don’t always appreciate when my tongue and teeth are stained rainbow colors either.

TEXTURE

Maoam feels similar to Starburst, but without the tough waxiness that Starburst has. Maoam is firmer than taffy, but still soft enough to squish between one’s own fingers. Oh yeah, bet that little green fella finds that sexy.

SCORE

Maker: Cadbury Adams USA

Made in: Mexico

“Cleans teeth*”

TASTE

This stuff is sick. One bite in, and it tastes exactly like that strawberry fluoride foam they give you at the dentist – an overwhelming fake strawberry chemical taste, probably due to the fact that the gum is nearly sugar-free. And then you’re hit with liquid Simple Green seeping from the inside, as depicted on the cover. Although it could also be a vomiting sleeping bag.

TEXTURE

Trident Splash features a crunchy outer coating, followed by soft gum and liquid center. The gum shrinks in about 2 minutes to a tiny chicklet-size dollop, but it keeps its flavor (even though I wish it hadn’t). I’ve never liked Trident gum for the sole reason that it shrinks to about 25% of its size within minutes of chewing it. You just keep having to eat more and more to get a decent sized wad of gum.

SCORE

- “No. 1 of Switzerland”

Maker: Frey

Location: Switzerland

78% cacao

TASTE/TEXTURE

This chocolate is both flavorful and dark, yet extremely smooth, which is uncommon in many chocolates with higher cacao percentages. Sometimes dark chocolates are just too brittle for me to handle. Frey’s dark chocolate  tastes a little like coffee, meaning it has an aromatic, bitter bite. I wouldn’t normally review a plain chocolate bar because a lot of the time, different brands of chocolate taste really similar, and I like anything and everything made out of chocolate. However, my poor old mom went all the way out to Switzerland and brought this back for me, so I owed it to her to write this review. She doesn’t realize they sell this stuff at Target in the US…

SCORE

TEXTURE: well, when i put it directly in my mouth, it felt like a cube made of sandpaper, but it quickly started fizzing upon contact with my spit. after reading the directions and placing the cube in water, the fizzy drink wasn’t much better. bits of sediment collected at the top and the drink didn’t really stay fizzy.